Mirrored Relationships

Something to check out in relationships: I’ve read often that relationships are mirrors….that the ‘other’ person is really just a projection of our deepest thoughts about ourselves.  Like energy attracts like energy.  The idea of mirrored relationships has always resonated with me, but it wasn’t until I decided to ‘experiment’ with the idea that it really hit home.
I decided to examine all of my current and past relationships.  The moment someone says or does something that irritates me, annoys me, or makes me cringe, I investigate exactly what’s been said.  For example, I have this ‘spiritual awakening’, and I tell my husband about all of my experiences related to this awakening.  He doesn’t believe me, and he doesn’t believe me because I am not like Mother Teresa, or the Buddha, or Jesus Christ.  I am still a girl who drinks too much, laughs too loud, and cries at the drop of a hat.  This, he says, is not equanimity.  Only those who are unmoved by their reality, only those who remain peaceful despite the circumstances of their lives are candidates for a truly spiritual life.
Initially, I was hurt because he didn’t believe me, but after investigation, I realized that I am the one who has told myself that I should be more like Mother Teresa, the Buddha, or Jesus Christ.  I am the one who has convinced myself that I shouldn’t emote so easily or drink wine to abandonment.  I am the one who thinks I should be a *little bit* better of a person.
Then looking back, I realize every relationship that has caused me hurt and suffering is one that has mirrored my own opinions about myself.  When I felt rejected, I was rejected.  When I felt inadequate, I was told I was inadequate.  Likewise, when I was accepting, I was accepted.  When I believed I was kind and generous, I was given kindness and generosity.
Meditation will make all of our neurosis abundantly clear.  Relationships will confirm our neurosis.
My invitation to you: investigate your relationships.  Are you bothered because of what the other person says? Or are you bothered because some part of you believes what they are saying?
*Side note: Byron Katie speaks of a similar investigation in her books.  There are four questions and a turn around:1) Is it true?, 2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true? 3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?  and 4) Who would you be without that thought?
Thought-He doesn’t believe me.  Is that true?  Yes.  Is it absolutely true?  Well, maybe there is a part of him that wants to believe me.
How do you react when you believe that thought?  I am not good enough to be a spiritual person.  Who would I be without that thought?  Happy.  Content.
The turnaround looks like this:  He DOES believe me.  He DOES think I’m good enough.  I DON’T believe me.  I DON’T believe I’m good enough.
Give it a try!
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